I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
