Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize