Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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