On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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