Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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