hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize