Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
