Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
