If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
