I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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