i just sent this text using only my big toe
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
