VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize