Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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