Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
