Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
