Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
