please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
