You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
