Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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