If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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