I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize