Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
