singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
