and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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