My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
