I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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