You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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