Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
