Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize