I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
