have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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