every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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