I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Drake has all the answers
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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