You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
