my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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