I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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