summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
