We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
