I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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