Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
