My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
