Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
