Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
