Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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