I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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