Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
