ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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