My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
