so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
