two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize