and you said cock pushups were impossible
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
