I wannas sexs uuuuu
My nipple is on Facebook.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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