My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize