dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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