I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
