I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
