New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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