K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's never too late to be topless.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
