I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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