We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
