Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
