that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize