he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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