put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
