Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
