As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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