How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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