Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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