Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
