just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All I want is dick and wine.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
