I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
