What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
