The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
