i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
