Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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