she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
