with your own penis?
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
