Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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