I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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