Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just puked most of my soul out..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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