I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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