Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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